Five golden rules of dating site etiquette

Messaging someone you want to know more about on a dating site is simple: Put a few words into the text box and send your work to them.

Most of us are naturally good at knowing what goes and what doesn't when it comes to chatting to strangers online. But there's always room for the odd tip or two!

These are just five of the things that it's a good idea to consider when you're messaging.

As you get used to chatting online, you'll doubtless think of others!

Try to reply promptly

If you're holding a conversation with someone online, it's a good idea to keep your replies relatively prompt.

Everyone has things to do, and it won't always be possible to write back as soon as someone has messaged you. But leave it more than a couple of days and you may give the impression that you're no longer interested in what the other person has to say, so don't linger too long before writing back if you're enjoying the chat. After all, no one message will take you more than a few minutes to write and send.

If in doubt, remember that conversations often find their own pace. Try to reply in about the same timeframe the person you're messaging has got back to you in – unless, of course, this seems much too fast or slow!

Be polite

Being polite in the way you interact with someone is always going to go down well when you're messaging. Even saying things like 'it's really nice of you to get in touch' when you first get a message will create a good impression.

One area where politeness can become strained is when it comes to stopping messaging someone who you no longer wish to keep chatting to.

Is it right to say something and tell them gently outright that you're not interested in talking anymore, or would it be better to simply ignore their messages so as not to offend them so much?

In reality, different people will appreciate different approaches, making this something of a difficult one. Use your instincts, keeping in mind that, most of the time, it will be clear to both parties if things have gone cold, so you won't need to make anything explicit.

Don't come on too strong

Most of us feel a little uncomfortable if someone starts seeming a little too keen – even when messaging has gone really well up to that point.

The fact is that most of us are a little unsure about how much potential there really is an an online relationship until we've actually met face to face (something you should only do in completely safe and public circumstances).

So generally speaking it's best to save the declarations of love for when you've been on a good few dates with someone, and play it cool online.

Examples of coming on too strong can include talking about big future plans you might make with someone you're chatting to in a way that's not clearly a joke or meant in a lighthearted way.

It's always good to show you're enthusiastic about the person you're messaging. But before you send, just make sure you haven't taken this enthusiasm to a level that might cause discomfort.

Ask questions

Are you a questioner or an answerer? When you've spent a bit of time on a dating site, you might discover that lots of people lean towards one status or the other. Some are good at trying to find out more about you, others might forget to ask direct questions to help draw details out of you, and only type about themselves.

It's a good idea to make sure you strike a good balance when you message people. Answer their questions and show them who you are, but never end a message without asking a question back – this will help show the person you're in touch with that you're interested in getting a reply. 

Don't tell fibs

Obviously there are things we all want to keep for later when we're talking to people for the first time – talk of past relationships is one possible example. But generally you should never directly lie when you're messaging someone that you're hoping to win the respect of.

Even small lies could cause issues and even potentially derail a hopeful start.

So even though you might be tempted to pretend your job is a little better than it really is, for example, resist!

Keep in mind that it's best to be vague with people you don't know to start with, though. So you might want to give an impression of the field you work in, without pinning down specific details until you know someone well. That sort of thing is sensible.

On our site it's possible to chat to British soldiers and a whole host of other people, so why not give it a go? You never know, you could find penpals, or something even more special!