How to know whether someone shares the same values as you

Shared values are an important part of any relationship. Ultimately, many of us want to eventually settle down in a relationship one day.

But in order for that relationship to be successful, it is important to ensure that you both share the same core beliefs.

Of course, here we are not referring to the less important things, such as a shared love of sport, or an interest in stamp collections.

Even more prominent things such as the belief in a certain religion and political persuasion can be compromised upon if you both respect each others viewpoints. 

By core values, what we are referring to is your perception on what type of relationship you want, your views on morality, how to treat people, life purpose and the worldview you hold.

While your interests, religion and political opinions will help to inform your core values, they alone do not get to the heart of how you function as a person and your compatibility with a partner.

Essentially, your values are what you need to live your life with integrity and to be happy.

These are your beliefs about what makes you a person of value and what you see as valuable in other people.

They are closely tied to what you are willing to accept in other people and what your boundaries are.

Therefore, it is important to ensure that any future love interest is on the same page as you, when it comes to core values.

But with all that said and done, how do you know whether that girl you have been on a date with shares your values?

Ask the right questions

Asking the right questions is a way to determine whether your partner is likely to be a match.

This is not about judging other people for being different from you. It is more about finding out whether you share the same vision when it comes to building a life together.

So for example, if family commitments are incredibly important to you, then perhaps you could mention this in conversation, and ask your date how often they see their family, or how important family commitments are in their life, compared to other priorities.

These types of topics and questions can help to spark meaningful conversation and interaction between you both and allow you to see how compatible you are with each other.

Questions to consider

So what other types of questions can help to determine your compatibility with each other? 

Try asking questions such as: Where do you see your life going? What do you want to be remembered for? What are the most important things to you in the world right now?

Not only do such questions get the conversation flowing, but they also you to get to the flavour of what really matters to them.

It will also help to get interesting stories and anecdotes and are a much less awkward way of finding out what someone's values are, than simply asking them what they value.

The conversation flows

Once you start asking a few questions, you will usually find that the conversation flows much easier if you are a real match.

However, if the conversation is stunted or awkward, or you very quickly run out of things to talk about even after you've discussed these issues with eachother and asked the right questions, then perhaps you do not have that much in common.

Sometimes, nerves may play a major role in this, but by this point, your compatibility (or lack thereof) with each other will probably have become much more apparent anyway.