Avoiding nerves before that big date

Nerves are almost inevitable if you're about to head on a date – but it's important not to let them overcome you, as you're likely to enjoy the experience much more – and show off the real you – if you relax!

Why are you nervous?

Don't let yourself get too caught up in analysing nervousness – you might just end up making yourself feel worse!

There are many reasons why nerves might be getting to you. Perhaps you feel that you and the person you're about to step out with have little in common, and you're afraid the date will be a chore or awkward because of this.

If that's the case, it's important to remind yourself that the date will not last long – and that you should keep an open mind and give the new person a chance.

It may be better to keep the date, just in case it ends up going really well, than cancel and never know if you actually would have got on like a house on fire!

Perhaps a little harder to deal with are the nerves that come when you think someone could be 'perfect' for you.

When this is getting to you, it's important to calm yourself by remembering that it's never good to focus so much hope on a single date.

Some things to keep in mind include the fact that, even if you are going to end up married to this man or woman, and living happily ever after, the chances are you won't fall deeply in love at first sight, whatever the fairy tales might say!

A first date is just a tiny first step on a long road – don't put too much pressure on it.

You'll both be looking for the initial signs that things might progress, not deep and meaningful feelings the second the starter arrives.

Remember that, if you're right for each other, it will become clear over time.

Another thing to remember is the old cliche that there really are plenty of fish in the sea.

Should things not go to plan with this date, another will be around the corner, and blaming yourself is silly, as if things don't work, it's likely there wasn't the raw material for a relationship between you and the other person.

Calming yourself

Before the date comes around, keep in touch with the other person – not so much that you start to feel they're the be-all and end all, but enough to keep yourself reminded of why you want to head on a date with them.

Arrange things so that they will fit in for you both and won't place too much pressure on either of you.

For example, if you are meeting someone who is from some way away, you may feel that the date will have too much pressure placed on it if one of you has to travel a long distance.

Don't get too hung up on this, as it may turn out that this long journey is the right choice. 

But ways to combat the feeling of pressure could include meeting somewhere halfway or waiting until one of you has another reason to travel, and working the date into that trip.

Arranging the date for somewhere you know might help you feel more at ease with the experience.

If you think it would help, why not ask your date if you can pick the venue? They'll likely be more than happy to help, and excited to see somewhere you like.

Pick a time of day that fits in well, too. If it's going to be a rush to get to the date, or you'll be stressed from work, or won't feel you've had time to get ready, you might be more likely to become agitated before the meeting.

When it comes to what to wear, it's important not to worry too much. Whatever you fancy wearing, after all, will likely go down well if the person you're meeting is right for you!

Give yourself enough time to get to the place you've arranged the date for at a leisurely pace, but don't make the mistake of hitting the venue too soon, or you'll have a potentially long wait for the person you're meeting!

Try and be as friendly as you can from the off – because creating a friendly atmosphere will help relax your date, and create a situation where it's more likely both of you will enjoy yourselves.

If you're worried conversation might dry up, you can always look over your messages and see whether there are themes you want to find out more about from your date.

But don't worry about this too much. Moments of silence are only awkward if you make them that way. The truth is that there are likely to be conversational dry points during the date, and if one hits its important to try and relax – panicking that the silence is a terrible thing could hamper conversation more!

Remember to stay safe when meeting people – even if you feel you know them well. Look for authoritative advice on first date security, which will include tips like meeting somewhere which is a public space.